Reason for my hope

As I write my blog I often write as if my audience believes in the hope that I have. I envision my blog as a source of encouragement but also as a voice that points to the love and hope of my Father. Although unconventional, I want to share with you my readers my personal story. I first must say that I by no means have a fireworks type conversion experience. For me, my story is a tribute to my Father's enduring f@ithfuln^ss.

Unlike so many others, I was blessed to grow up in a hope filled home where we actively participated in the life of the steeple. Despite this love and support, much of my childhood was littered with depression, anxiety, rejection and pain. From ages eight to sixteen I was worn down by a mental illness. I was hospitalized on a number of occasions, often because I tried to commit suicide or hurt others. School was also a real challenge. I was bullied and rejected by some of my closest friends. In the end, after many years of taking medication and visiting therapists I was admitted into an exclusive rehab program.

My year at Whitby Mental Health really begins a new chapter in my life. When meeting with the program my parents had been told that there was basically no chance of me getting in. It was my first time away from home for an extended period of time. I went to school during the week and for the most part came home on the weekends. At home on the weekends I experience great support and love from my family in Him. In a sense, living away from home forced me to sort through my personal convictions and beliefs. My Father was lifting me out of the valley. During this time I knew I had been saved by the greatest lifeguard. Sometime when I was little, I don't know when, I asked that my Father forgive me and lead me for the rest of my life. I think for so long my life was a blur, but now I was beginning to see my Father and His love more clearly.

Once I got home from rehab a ran into a series of providential events. I was assigned a local support worker who happened to believe in my Father. During our brief time together we talked about our journey of faith. She also introduced me to two hope filled ladies who had started up a youth center in our town; who soon encouraged me to join their young adult leadership study. I can't remember exactly what we talked about, although I do remember that in the spring I made a promise to the two ladies that I would read the entire true sacred text that very summer. It was a lofty goal, but everyday that summer I immersed myself in the Word of Life. The following summer the youth center invited me to be a summer intern. All summer I worked with a dear brother challenged me to not only wrestle with why I believe what I believe but also urged me to reconsider the implications of my Father's unconditional love. From experience, I know that it often takes seeing someone else love something (or someone) before you really do yourself. That is what I saw in my friend, and I wanted to understand and have that love and faith.

Since those days, my Father has opened new and wonderful opportunities for me which at one point I (and my family) never dreamed possible. For the past three years I have been studying at a light bearing university where I have been actively involved. Over the past few months I have experienced the grace of my FaHe has delivered me. Now I am no longer consuming the psychiatric medicine which I had taken for over ten years. The promises of my Father are true. by redeemer is the way, the truth and the life. Out of love He died on the cross for my sins and yours. The greatest bastard, the greatest rapist, the greatest murderer - that's me! But because of Him, the greatest Sav!@ur all those who believe that He died and rose from the dead have life and life to the fullest.

I leave you with these words from Chuck Swindoll, "The skeptic may deny your doctrine or attack your ch[#!]ch, but he cannot honestly ignore that fact that your life has been changed."

Top 5 Personal Reflections - Week 2-3

1) Depending on Him, talking with Him

I continue to be challenged to depend on my Father. I think my greatest challenge in Beijing has also been my greatest blessing. There are many times when I feel so frustrated that I cannot communicate. Ashamedly, I still sometimes feel envious of Mike for his ability to speak Mandarin. Although I often feel handcuffed, in these last few days my Father has been revealing to me in new and fresh ways the inner strength of kneeling . I may not be able to converse well, but I can depend through bowing my head. And right now that is the primary way I can participate in my Father's mission. As I have reflected on working at the factory these past two summers, I am convicted of my misguided zeal and passion. I went into conversations on my own and not by the power of my Father's holy gift.

Last night, we went for a massage at a nearby parlor. Mike and I have been building up friendships with a few of the workers. As I lay on my bed listening to the others speaking in Mandarin I felt a deep peace as I talked with Him. Although my Dad has revealed so much to me already, I don’t want it to stop. I earnestly hope that the secrets of practising the presence of my Father will be equally as fresh and convicting as I lie in bed during my old age.

2) The urgency of His mission of hope

I have also been further challenged this week as to what it means to practice and believe in the urgency of His mission. I am by no means as confident in Him as I hope and wish but some incidents this week have altered my thinking. On Sunday, at International fellowship Mike and I heard a message on Luke 5:27-32 which spoke about the call of Levi and his immediate response. I had never noticed that the first thing Levi did after believing in Him was throw a party of hope and love for all his friends. Levi was not a mature son, he didn’t have all the facts, but he wanted to share the love which he had received. The message was really powerful.

On Thursday evening Mike, Karma and I had hot pot at the local supermarket. Although we conversed, I often was clueless to a lot of the conversation. As often happens, Mike gives me the recap afterwards. He explained that he shared with Karma the exciting friendships we are developing with the ladies at the hotpot. Karma told Mike that next time he should share His love. I was so taken back. In Canada, it would never happen this quickly but sure enough the next day as we sat talking with one of the girls, my Father's love came up.

In China, the ambassadors of hope understand the urgency of the message of my Father. This is something that the ambassadors in the west don't fully understand. While the people of China are hungry for truth, the steeples in the west are littered with hardened hearts and a attitude of complacency and idolatry. How do I practically respond to this, in China and as I prepare to go back home?

3) Want a headache - listen to traditional Chinese music

Tonight I went out for dinner at a famous traditional Chinese restaurant. We ate to the piercing noise of Chinese music. I have heard some pretty lousy music over dinner, but never to this extent.

4) Practical Patience

These past few weeks I have often felt like unleashing a two-by-four on my computer. It is so SLOW! It can take up to thirty minutes just to load a program. Needless, to say I am reformatting my computer. Right now I am waiting on a copy of Microsoft Word.

5) I Love Bubble Tea!

I still remain shocked that I hadn't tried Bubble Tea in Canada. It is the next best thing from a fruit smoothie. There are cheap too - like 41 cents Canadian. So far I have tried Honey-Dew Melon, Papaya and Coconut.

Connected in Him

Jon Candle

Day 20

Today the whole gang headed downtown. We were going to go skating but some of our friends didn't want to. It was crazy watching some locals swimming in the freezing water. Mike, Gen and I headed off to look around the hutong village with Kevin and Wei Wei. Hutongs are old traditional Chinese housing. Grace, Carmen and her friend stayed behind to skate. After a few hours we said goodbye to Kevin and Wei Wei and met up with the girls and Karma and headed out for a traditional Chinese dinner. A quick summary but it's something. Peace

Day 19

I really was encouraged and challenged yesterday. After our Mandarin class Mike and I headed over to the supermarket. We were supposed to get groceries but ended up talking to the girls (specifically the manager). The manager was talking to Mike for awhile and was asking questions about what we believe. This was a wonderful answer to time with my Father. I have been asking Him that these girls while come to embrace His love and mercy. I must admit as I sat there listening to Mike talk and occasionally translate I was frustrated that I too could not share. I think that not knowing the language has forced me to depend on My Father more and more. In some sense, His mission reminds me of the relationship that Moses and Aaron had.

After dinner, Mike and I headed to the gym for a bit. We have been wanting to go more frequently but we have not been able to find a lot of time. After the gym we headed over for a massage. Along with the girls at the hot pot my Father has placed a deep desire in my heart to see the workers at the massage parlor come to know the His truth. Again, while I could communicate in simple ways I am dependent on bowing my head. Please talk to our Father and ask that He will give us guidance and above all that He will be lifted high. Peace

Day 18

Today we headed over to the office for 10am. For an hour or so we met with a man who is doing m work in Beijing. It was great to learn from his many years of experience in China. About 20 years ago, 80% of all Chinese lived in the countryside and only 20% in the city. China has experienced what could be considered the largest exodus humanity has ever witnessed. Today the cities hold over 50% of the population; which is expected to grow in the coming years. While the numbers are unclear one can safely say that the number of migrants surpasses 5 million. People from all over mainland China flee to the city in hope of a more prosperous future. Besides the impact on villages in the countryside, cities like Beijing are quickly becoming overwhelmed. The migrant people make a large portion of the urban poor. The urban poor is not strictly a challenge for China, it is just that it is overly intensified.

After our meeting, the six of us headed off for lunch. Our Mandarin class took up most of the afternoon. On the way home Grace and Gen went shopping at the local market. Mike and I headed home only to encounter what would be a series of unfortunate events. When I turned the key to the apartment it broke off inside the lock. When we went back to the key smith across the street and explained the predicament but he was not very helpful. He was essentially being rude, black-mailing us and asking a ridiculous price. But thankfully our friends were generous with their time and effort. Our friends at the local hot pot offered to take us to another key smith. I call them our friends because for the past two weeks or so Mike and I have been slowing working on establishing intentional friendship. Every day Mike and I go and get a Bubble-tea for 3 yuan and sit and chat with the girls. Out of this relationship, the manager of the store allowed for one of the workers to leave work for a bit and take us to her friend. Unfortunately, her neighbor wasn't around but the kind gesture was duly noted. However, Karma was able to connect with a friend who could come and fix the lock. We were so greatfull by the time he came. We had been negotiating, and looking for a solution for approximately two hours. Karmas friend fixed and replaced the lock for only 100 yuan. This was a lot cheaper than the first key smith who wanted to charge 270 yuan. Anyways, after the ordeal was over Karma, Mike and I went over and had dinner at the local hot pot. (that is where are friends work) From there, Mike and I took at taxi to fellowship. We were a bit late but it didn’t matter too much. After fellowship I did some homework and relaxed. Another day in Beijing, Peace

Day 17

In the morning before we left, the landlord came over to our apartment and brought us a new toilet seat and heater. Unfortunately, according to the land lord we got ripped off by the real estate agency. As the middle man they took an unreasonable amount of the rent pay. After the landlord left, Carmen and the four of us headed over to IKEA to look around and have lunch. I bought a coat hanger. After a quick stop back at the apartment, we headed on down to the pearl market. Karma, Mike and I took the bus and the girls drove in Carmen’s car. On the way to the pearl market we realized that it had already closed so we headed to the silk market. We looked around for a bit. As a walked around the market as a white foreigner, I was treated like a celebrity. I was everyone's friend, and the primary target of sale pitches. Like Africa, rightly or wrongly, this is how the majority of the world view whites. One of the first places I walked by I made the comment quietly to Mike that the clothes looked obviously fake. I certainly wasn't quiet enough. As I walked away the store owner yelled out to me protesting that everything was original. This is just a glimpse into the extensive effort and pride of those who sell in the markets. I did get to practice my bartering skills on a few small gifts. From the silk market the Karma, Carmen and the four of us headed out for dinner. Dinner was great! I think this has been one of my favorite places so far. Back at the flat I worked on Mandarin and responded to some emails. I was greatly encouraged to receive emails from my brothers and sisters in Zambia. Another day in Beijing

Day 16

Today was a pretty low key day. We were supposed meet with a visiting friend from Canada but that has been postponed to Thursday morning. For most of the day I read for my Eastern Religions class. Before dinner Mike and I headed to the gym. In the evening the four of us headed out for kongi. Kongi is a traditional Chinese dish which is like a broth or soup.

Day 15

Today I was feeling pretty under the weather. I have some sort of cold and headache. I slept a lot of the morning and read a bit for more courses. In the afternoon Grace, Mike and I headed over for one of our weekly Mandarin class. Slowly but surely I am improving and understanding Mandarin. After class the three of us did some grocery shopping and then relaxed back at the apartment. After our late dinner I worked out summarizes my readings. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be feeling better.

Day 14

Today Mike and I went to two international fellowship services. Grace and Gen didn't go with us as they were feeling under the weather. The first service was an English/Mandarin service. The second was purely English. The speaker spoke on the calling of Matthew in the book of Luke. More specifically he spoke about the hope centered fervor that Matthew had immediately after he made the decision to follow my Father. Deke from France, a friend I met through Gen, joined us for the first service. Before the second service I met Leesha, a friend from back in Canada. After the service Mike and I headed over for a quick lunch at the Japanese restaurant before heading to small group. I have been greatly encouraged by my small group. This week we learned how my Father uses all personalities and all people to share His love. It was interesting to go around our small group and see the diversity. After small group, I relaxed for the rest of the day.

Day 13

I woke up late this morning. I stayed at home today and did work for my course in Eastern Religions. Everyone slept in today so we had a late lunch. Later in the evening we went to a new super market that Grace discovered on one of her walks. I really enjoyed looking around inside. The food looked good, it was cheap and there was a lot of variety. While it was a non-eventful day, it was productive and rejuvenating.

Thank You

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to read and journey alongside me. I hope these jumbled and poorly written updates bring some encouragement. I also wanted to let you know that I cannot view my blog and read or respond to your comments. Peace

Day 12

Today, I experienced and witnessed a lot. After Mandarin class the gang and Karma and Carmen headed down to Tienanmen Square. As we walked around you could definitely feel the history and importance of this sacred place. From Tienanmen Square we walked to the underground street market. It is like 3 stories under a mall. The Chinese certainly know how to conserve space. Dinner was ok accept for the fact that I accidentally ordered tofu. Throughout the evening we walked through a well known shopping district. The city lights were unbelievable. We also stopped at the outside street market. It was a cultural experience all by itself. As we walked by the many booths, we were greeted by many vendors shouting as they tried to lure us in to buy food. There were so many exotic foods. Here is brief list: starfish, silkworm, centipede, scorpion, emu and sea urchin. It was heartbreaking to see the many homeless people rustling through garbage bins for food. During my short stay in China, I have not until now seen poverty this clustered and overwhelming.
It was a cold night. Once we were back in the neighborhood the four of us went for a massage. Mike and I also tried out what is known as cupping. Cupping is a traditional Chinese practice which has been around for over two thousand years. Glass cups are attached to your back which are used to suck out toxins in your body. It actually works.
Although the massage was rejuvenating physically it was depressing mentally. The girls at the massage parlor work so hard. Many of them have migrated from the countryside to big cities like Beijing in hopes of a better life. The two girls at the massage parlor commute each day from the suburbs of Beijing and work from 11am to 2pm. One of the girls was holding back tears as she talked to Mike. The poverty and despair I encountered today has been overwhelming. At times like these the one true hope becomes an urgent reality.
I desperately want to learn to converse and speak the language. As I had my massage I felt helpless and handcuffed as I couldn't communicate effectively. Until I learn the language more fully, I have to ever more rely on my Father. This was certainly a overwhelming day. Trusting in Him

Day 11

Today was pretty busy. In the morning we took the subway down to the Pearl Market. The Pearl Market is a famous market which sells everything you can think. You can buy things real cheap but most of the stuff is fake. Gen also introduced us to her friend who we hung out with for the day. After lunch we looked around in a nearby toy market. This were some really neat toys! Beijing traffic during rush hour is insane. We must have looked at least 30 minutes for a taxi. I was tired when we got back to the flat and was not feeling to well. After a quick nap I felt rejuvenated and Gen, Mike, Deke and I headed over to a young adult international fellowship. I absolutely loved it. The sincerity, honesty and sense of family was truly a wonderful expression of the world wide community of hope. At the meeting the speaker spoke about world views. I was also greatly encouraged by one friend I met. He lives in a town with only three crosstrainers. He was so excited to be among fellow bearers of hope and encouraged us to appreciate and treasure these times together. A great day indeed. Peace

Day 10

This morning I got caught up on emails and life back in Canada. In the afternoon I studied a bit before heading over to the office for our third Mandarin class. Today’s class was more challenging and I certainly have some work to do to stay on top of it. Our Internet is up and running! This evening I was able to try bubble-tea for the first time. Amazing! Until next time your Beijing brother

Day 9

Today was more of a relaxing day. After breakfast I worked on some homework and then headed to the local supermarket where we got some groceries. In the afternoon Mike and I went over to the local café where we studied until around 5:30. While studying we met Mike’s friend from Beijing named Ni. In th evening Mike and I headed off to the gym. Another day in Beijing

Top 5 Personal Reflections - Week1

I have been in China for a little over a week and I am learning a lot. Below I have listed and briefly described five things I have learned or experienced. Here they are...

1) Language is such a valuable treasure.

I never thought I would say this, but I really want to learn Mandarin. Right now, I can covey basic phrases but not to the point where I can converse and carry on a conversation. I know how to say things like, "How are you"?; "How much?"; "No thank you"; "Thank you"; "I don't speak Mandarin"; "Do you speak English?" and a few others. But this is far from enough to carry on a conversation. As a result, I have noticed in new ways the importance of none verbal cues.

2) I take so much for granted

Even though Beijing is the capital of China and an international metropolis, there are still noticeable differences. In Canada we have relatively clean air amidst beautiful open landscapes. Back home I also enjoy the luxury of a American toilet. Here in China, all toilet paper cannot be flushed but must be disposed into the garbage. I also have had to learn how to wash clothes by hand. I am far away from getting the hang of it. There are places to do laundry but they can be expensive. There really is nothing like a Maytag! The growing gap between the rich and the poor is certainly evident. On most streets Beijing business men and woman are mixed in with migrant workers who have come to the city looking for a better life.

3) Learning from displacement

Unlike Canada, where as a white male I am considered a majority; here in Beijing I am experiencing culture through a different lens. Chinese or rather Asians revere acts of modesty, hospitality and graciousness. This has been especially noticeable during meals. In China you always serve another before yourself. Usually, dishes are shared instead of each individual having there own. These are a few of my observations although I am sure I will have more thoughts down the road.

4) Learning to trust Him

In my short time in China, I have been learned and challenged so much. My view and understanding of communicating with my Father is be transformed.

5) I like the idea of weekly top 5 personal reflections but I can't really think of a fifth unique point. So next week I will promise to have 5 complete points.

Stopnwonder

Jon Candle

Day 8

Day 8 – Today was a busy day. We had the computer technician come to our house and try to fix the internet. Unfortunately, the wireless is still not working properly. Mike and I did some laundry in the morning before Gen joined us and we went to the coffee shop to study before class. The Mandarin classes have really been interesting and enjoyable. I am sure I sound so funny, but hey it’s expected and part of the fun! After class we had hotpot at the local supermarket. I also had my first chance to try bubble teas – they’re grrreat! We then came back to the house for a little while before Mike and I headed off to the local gym, which we joined earlier in the day. Another day in Beijing. Peace

Day 7

Day 7 – I thoroughly enjoyed today. In the morning Grace, Gen, Mike and I headed off to the Beijing international fellowship. After the second service we headed to a small group gathering which was an encouraging and enriching experience. It is really amazing how so many people of hope come together from all parts of the world. In our small group alone we have people from the Netherlands, France, Indonesia, Malaysia and of course Canada! After our small group study the four of us headed back home. On the way back Mike got his haircut along with a massage from 3 dollars. Now that’s a good deal! In the evening we had a nice dinner here at the apartment and just relaxed for the rest of the night. At one point in the evening we watched some Chinese game show where various Chinese from across the country were showcasing unbelievable talents. Until next time, your Beijing brother.

Day 6

Today we went out with Kevin and Wei Wei at around 11am and had lunch with them at Korean Barbecue. The milk popsicles we had for desert were really good. In the afternoon we went out to the international shopping centre and looked around. By late-afternoon I had a headache. I think too much shopping does that to me. Just kidding! Back at the apartment we had a low key dinner before heading to bed. It has been kind of weird. We are all getting to bed around or before 11pm most nights and getting up early without a lot of effort. Peace

Day 5

Day 5 – Today we cleaned up the flat and took some time to delegate and go over house chores and rules. For lunch we had a noodle soup from a little restaurant that is just down the road from our flat. After lunch we headed over to the office where we had our first Mandarin class with Karma. The sounds and pronunciations are quite different from English. However, because of the small class size it seems like it will be a lot of fun. Because Karma doesn’t speak a lot of English there were times in the class where Carmen or Mike translated for us. I should briefly say that Gen and I have been very blessed to have Mike alongside us. Without his conversational Mandarin we would find going out much more difficult. After our first Mandarin class we headed off to HSBC and then took at taxi to Carre-Warre. On the way back we stopped at the local grocery store and bought some more groceries. Peace

Day 4

Day 4 – Today, I too woke up early. I think I am still adjusting to the 13hour time difference. For breakfast we made a stir-fry with the leftover food from our dinner with Carmen and Karma. It was delicious! I also began reading for my courses. In the morning we had coffee near the office and later had lunch at a place called Kung Fu. The café seems ideal for studying. After lunch we met Carmen and Karma and took the bus/subway where we toured the Temple of Heaven. The Temple of Heaven was spectacular. The architecture, sophistication and colours were unbelievable. As we walked around the Temple of Heaven you couldn’t help but feel the age old history and culture. The three of us paid 30 yen to have our pictured taken in traditional clothing. I was the Emperor! I should mention that the Temple of Heaven is crowded with old people. China had a disproportionate number of elderly. Carmen and Karma were explaining how many of the elderly come to the Temple of Heaven to socialize throughout the year. It is a larger space so it is attractive to many of them. As we walked through the Temple of Heaven, older people were dancing, singing and playing games. From the Temple of Heaven we headed out for dinner with Karma and Carmen. We had a traditional Chinese cuisine known as hotpot. The sauce for the hot pot was not very pleasant but the fellowship and laughter made dinner overly enjoyable. After dinner we took the bus back to our neighborhood. Before we went back to the house Mike, Grace and I had a foot massage. It was heaven! Up to this point, today was probably the most enjoyable. Until next time, your Beijing brother.

Day 3

Day 3 – Today I also woke up early. The four of us had breakfast at 7-eleven. I had a Danish and cold-soya milk. After breakfast we headed off to the office where we had a brief orientation. Carmen was caught up in traffic so the four of us sat outside her door talking and playing games for close to an hour. It was actually quite enjoyable. After orientation we took a taxi with Kevin and looked at cell phones and go to HSBC. Way Way joined us and we had a wonderful lunch. In the afternoon we continued to look at cellphones and went over to Kevin’s home. There we met his kind and hospitable parents. I am BEGINNING to understand and converse in Mandarin. But I still have a long way to go. From there we went for dinner. We had the traditional and famous Beijing dish – Peking duck. It was very good. Hanging out with Kevin and Wei Wei was quite enjoyable. After taking a taxi home we went to bed.

Day 2

Day 2- I woke up around 3:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep so I continued my reading from Jeremiah. Soon after I was able to fall back a sleep until around 6:30am. After everyone was up, we had breakfast from the local supermarket. I got a bottle of juice and an egg and veggie wrap. This cost me the equivalent of 75 cents Canadian. We then walked around our neighborhood and stopped in at 7-eleven where we got Hot Soya Milk. Soya Milk is a staple drink for many Chinese. At about 10 o-clock we headed to Carmen and Karma office. There office is in an international part of town. For an office like theirs it would cost around 15000 yen per month or about $2142 Canadian. It is at the office that we will be tutored in Mandarin by Karma. From the office we headed down one building to register. Unfortunately, Karma received bad information and we couldn’t register there. When we got back to the flat we headed out with Kevin and Wei Wei. Kevin and Wei Wei are friends of Mike from back in Toronto. They took us down to a large shopping store where we bought some more household items and look around. We took a taxi back from shopping and then headed off with Karma to the police station where we were able to register. Today was tiring and I got to bed early. Looking to Him,
Jon Candle

Day 1

We arrived at the Beijing airport at about one o-lock China time. The plane ride seemed a lot longer than I expected. On the plane I watched Nanny Diaries, Rescue Dawn, A Day After Tomorrow and Rush Hour 3. Unfortunately, I was only able to sleep on the plane for an hour or so. The food was pretty good except for the salad. I was really encouraged by the wonderful letters from friends and family. At the airport we were greeted by our friends Carmen and Karma who live in Beijing and their dog named poo-poo. From the airport we headed to our apartment. On the way I experienced the potency of Beijing pollution and smoke. It really makes me appreciated the clean air and environment in Canada. We live on the top floor of what would be considered an up scale Beijing apartment. There are two rooms, a bathroom, kitchen and a living space. Grace and Gen each have their own rooms and Mike and I sleep on bunks in the common room. We also have a balcony which we can look out over the city. At night the lights are so beautiful. In the evening we went out for dinner with Carmen, Karma and poo-poo. I can already sense how meals are both more collective and hospitable. All of the dishes I had were really good, especially this spicy chicken. I can no officially say my new best friend for the next few months are my chopsticks. After dinner we were noticeably tired and experiencing jet lag. We were up for close to 24 hours. After a quick trip to the supermarket we headed to bed. Looking to Him.

Welcome

I hope everyone has had a refreshing Christmas holiday. I was able to relax a little, but definitely not as much as I had hoped. But hey, I am going to CHINA! As I prepare to leave I am beginning to experience uncertainty amidst the great excitement. But hey, we are going to CHINA!

I want to thank all of you who have in one way or another been a source of encouragement. It is amazing how the great weaver brings it all together. Thank you for bowing your head with me. I am going to miss all of you.
Jon Candle